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Out West (transcript)
Episode: Out West western town is shown. Narrator: Come back with us now to those bygone days. When the west was brutal, untamed and lawless. and Ewalt are sitting back in chairs. Narrator: It took a special breed of man to tame this country. Men, with eyes like eagles, reflexes like a rattler, and the keen ruthless wits of a panther on the prowl. Abner: We's awful ignorant, ain't we, Ewalt? Ewalt: It plum proud of it, Abner. Abner: twice Ewalt? Ewalt: Yeah, Abner? Abner: What's ignorant mean? Ewalt: Danged if'n I know, but we's it! and Ewalt laugh and snort goofily. Abner: blinks twice, POP! Hey! I'm bored! Ewalt: blinks You're smart enough to be bored? Abner: HEY! Watch your dirty mouth! and Ewalt sit for a moment, then scratch their heads with their feet like dogs. Ewalt: sighs So, what're we gonna do today? Abner: blinks Lets us hang somebody! Ewalt: happily YEAH! We ain't hanged nobody at a LONG dang time! Abner: Yeaaahh!!! confused Ewalt, who we gonna hang? Ewalt: Hmmm, how's about... Old Lady Crenshaw! Abner: Yeah! burp sound effect heard Naw, we hanged her yesterday. Ewalt: Well heck. We done just about hanged everybody in town! Abner: Hmm. sighs Ya know, maybe we ought to hang somebody that deserves it. Ewalt: confused Yeeeaooreallllaaaahhffeeeeh... an idea I GOT IT! LET'S HIRE US SOME VILLAINS TO HANG! Abner: YEAH! VILLAINS! face What are villains!? Ewalt: I DUNNO! and Ewalt make many goofy sounds and faces. to Ren and Stimpy. Narrator: From out of the long desert shadows, ride two dangerous desperados. Three-Fingered Hoek, and his faithful sidekick, Stupid the kid. Stimpy: Duhhh, hello! Narrator: Onward they ride, raw, tough, desperate! and Stimpy are riding chickens. Narrator: Small. and Stimpy see the country town. Ren: Hey Stimpy, let's go down to that little one-horse town and see we can pick up some odd jobs, pillaging and looting. Stimpy: Pillage, pillage, pillage! Loot, loot, loot! and Stimpy continue riding, followed by an iris transition to the "Sherrif" office. Ren: slowly because it is difficult. Villains wanted. doorbell is heard, the door opens and shuts. Ren and Stimpy stand before Abner and Ewalt. Ren: Excuse us, Mr. Sheriff, you needn't look any further, for it is WE who are your villains. and Ewalt blinks while the Jeopardy theme plays, buzzer sound effect, then Abner gets an idea. Abner: OH OH OH OH OH OH OH! Say, why don't you fellers mosey over Ewalt's eye to MY place and steal my horse! 'Cause they's nothing worse than a horse thief. Ewalt: OOP! goofily and Ewalt stand outside the "Sherrif" office, a horse neighs offscreen. Ren and Stimpy arrive, beaten up. Ren: in pain Here is your horse that we have stolen. Ewalt: twice GOD Abner! That's the UGLIEST horse ever I did SEE! donkey sound effect while Abner blinks at the "horse". Abner: Hey, that's no horse! That's my wife! and Stimpy are on the wife's back. A wolf howls. Abner: Ah, you boys can keep her. Just remember, brush her and feed her twice today. singing: She'll be riding six white horses when she comes. spurs the wife once, and they run offscreen. Fade to Mr. Horse eating hay. Ren and Stimpy are in the hay loft looking at Mr. Horse. Stimpy: Hey Ren, he reminds me of your Uncle Eddie. Ren: Why is that? Stimpy: 'Cause he's big and stinky! slaps Stimpy. Ren: HEY! You couldn't say mean things like that! Did you ever consider that this horse might have feelings? Now let's steal that horse. nods. Ren and Stimpy jump on Mr. Horse and whoop and holler for a bit. Mr. Horse looks at Ren and Stimpy, then shakes his head. Mr. Horse: So, it's the old "steal the horse" bit again, is it? Alright, let's do it, if we have to. Horse stands up, walks on two legs like a human with Ren and Stimpy stuck to his back, and stops at Abner and Ewalt. Mr. Horse: Hey boss, thess guys just stole me and... thinking Well sir, I don't like it. Horse turns around to present Ren and Stimpy to Abner and Ewalt. Abner blinks at Ren and Stimpy while the Jeopardy theme plays. Ren and Stimpy look at Abner. Mr. Horse looks at the viewers. Mr. Horse: They're horse thieves, ya MORONS! Horse looks frustrated. Cut to Ewalt, Abner, Ren and Stimpy, a buzzer followed by a gunshot is heard. Abner and Ewalt point excitedly at Ren and Stimpy. Abner and Ewalt: HORSE THIEVES! HANG 'EM! to gallows with Abner, Edwalt, Ren and Stimpy. Ren: sad Hey, Stimpy, I have a little confession to make. At night, while you're asleep... sniffs I polish my boots with your tongue! Stimpy: That's okay Ren, I wasn't really asleep. Abner: Ewalt, would you be so kind as to hang these two young fellers? grabs the nooses and ties them off screen, then looks shocked. Ewalt: Hey, we cain't hang those guys. The scrawny one don't weigh enough, and the fat one ain't got no NECK! is swinging in the wind, and Stimpy has a noose around his head between his eyes and nose. Ewalt and Abner look sad. Abner: Oh, who we gonna hang now? Ewalt: I guess we'll have to hang each other. and Ewalt scream happily, and hang each other. Ewalt: There's only one thing that we like more than hanging. Abner: And that's singing and dancing! has a violin and Ren has a guitar. Stimpy: Come on everybody! Let's have a hoedown! and Ren was play the guitar and violin. Abner and Ewalt: singing Ooooh, Lord loves a hanging, that's why he give us necks! Ewalt: singing It tightens up our vocal cords... Abner: singing and loosens up our pecs. Ren & Stimpy: singing So if you are a horse thief and guilty to the bone... Abner and Ewalt: singing Go ahead and blame a friend and you wont hang aloooone. Ren & Stimpy: singing It may be hard to swaller! Tall head men: singing But you'll be three feet taller! Ewait: offscreen And find new ways to entertain your friiiieeeends... Abner and Ewalt: offscreen and say you are a villain, but can't abide by killin'... Abner: offscreen Go ahead and steal yourself a horse. Ewalt: offscreen 2,3,11,R,5,7! Abner: offscreen Take it, boys! hanging mans are playing guitars with his feet. Stimpy: singing I'm a pickin! Ewalt: and I'm a swangin! Abner: And I'm ignorant! Ewalt: and I'm ugly! Stimpy: offscreen That you are boys. Aner and Ewalt: singing Ooooh, the lord loves a hanging and so do we by heck, so get yourself a lasso and decorate your neck! Oh we is awful ignorant and uglier 'n sin, so go ahead and cut us doooooowwwwwwn..... and hang us all up again! Abner: Hangin' that is, swang a spell. Ewalt: scene Ya'll bring the kids now, ya hear? Ren: YEE-HAW! and Stimpy dance happily, followed by an iris transition at the end of the episode. Category:Episode Transcripts